开幕也是结束

没想到，来扫扫尘已经是一年后的事。

2015，是一个我又爱又恨的年。
爱，是因为看见神的恩手仍然在过程里带领；
恨，是因为失去了最爱的妹妹和一些疼爱的人。

我还是会继续选择这条路，继续相信神会把对的人放在身边，只要我是那个对的人，抱有对的态度。

生命可贵，知道每个人都要自己地上所作的对神交代。
无论我如何保护，掌管生命气息的人还是上帝。

过程里，有人从一而终；有人中途转换；有人弃了性命回到世界追求世上的富贵舒适；有人沉溺在关系里的浑浊，想从人里得到爱却沉沦了。

在剩下10天里的2015，主的灵常提醒我不要失去起初的爱心，盼望和信心。

最讽刺的是，许多人愿意花百万请假为了修理爱车，赔上性命时间来供养一个会贬值的东西来留住世人的目光的，却常忘了花功夫在自己内心的空虚和需要。可笑的，这一切我们花尽一生经历甚至牺牲了许多才换来的物质享受或脆弱关系竟然不堪一击，无尽的摸索把我们带进没有尽头的深渊。

耶稣，让我继续爱慕你。唯有沉浸在祢无条件的爱里，我才能做回自己。既然决定了要跟随耶稣就永不回头了！

时间

“能不能给我一分钟的时间？。。。”

周董的歌， 细述着这仓促流失又无情的时间。

万事俱备，只欠时间。。

好了，抱怨时间完毕。 开工吧！  

P.s: Say Bye to my Hot Air Balloon Fair 2014. I will make it NEXT YEAR!!! :'(

了解

普通朋友，

对你半知半解，

对你的问题是敷衍了事。

好朋友/知己，

对你的事却百般了解，

在你最down时不需要话语，

却单纯是陪伴。 

上帝赐给我们“朋友”， 因为他知道我们独居不好，会有需要陪伴、倾述、

支柱的时候。

当你要倒下或失去方向时，好朋友会扶你一把再为你撑住半边天，让你看见曙光。

纯粹发表个人意见。

 卿，搁笔。

沉思

我不是你想象中那么坚强。




给我半天的时间，沉淀思考。




让我恢复过来。 :)
I need alone time. #AlonewithJesus#

limit

If u dun have the sincerity, please do not promise anything.

If u dun plan it, please dont tell me

If u dun wan to listen, just ignore but dont tell me u understand

If u wan to do something, just go ahead but not LIED to me

Hard to breath..

Living in a cage, when I could be out there?

I need some moment of silence..................

原地兜圈

2013年，大家好像都在冲刺。
内心泛起一阵涟漪，我都做干什么来了？

一句话，把里头的心思完全瓦解，感觉特别怪。。
            

很努力在作好儿女、组长、学生、朋友的角色，别误会！ 没有特殊环境。

小组：谢谢每个爱我的他们，让我觉得自己不是一个人在争战（特别：人身处异乡，却仍然记得我）

学业：感谢神进步了，迈进了3.0的世界，在大学生活的第一个A-,荣耀归于神；

人际关系：我还在学习，放风筝。没有办法满足每个人的需要，但我会尽我所能；

家人：越来越亲密；

财务：比上不足，比下有余。。。上帝明白我的需要，我深深感觉到他在为我预备！！

那到底什么在困扰我？寻找内心的答案，学习聆听内心的呐喊。。听听神要我做的。。

感恩！！！

----------------------T.h.e E.n.d-------------------------

征兆？？？

很久没上部落格了，刚刚才发现原来这里已经生蘑菇了。。　赫赫！

难得假日，我来扫扫灰尘吧！ 呼呼~~ 

 以前，主日聚会完了，最想做的事就是跟一班老油去玩。喝茶也好，看戏也罢，现在好像只想回家倒头大睡。。。

喜欢在家的感觉、闭关、休息，安静的躺在自己的安乐窝。。
这是不是岁月悄悄流逝的痕迹？？@.@
 啊~~ 不要啊 。。。 

Learn to obey

I must admit that being OBEDIENT is challenging, Especially when you have grew up...

I thought it wasn't so difficult but after all failure ya.. I must admit it..

Some incident i need stayed back till 1.30a.m. which is something terrible.. sleepless night and i have a course trip tml.. think i'll be fainted soon.. Seriously.. my mental told me to feel unsatisfied..

Sometimes i wish to back to live a normal life, going for normal social life, gathering, relaxing.. Although it is nearly Impossible.. It has been already one year in uni but i still feeling that i am out of that gang, just like during form six..

Maybe i am too exhausted to get to know people? Or busy filled my time for them? or different lifestyle?? But sometimes i wish to live as how they are...


Just keep thinking my previous first year of knowing Him, no burden, no hurts, no responsibility but serve Him wholeheartedly.. More compassionate towards the poors..  But slowly i have no feeling (sometimes maybe)..

Every week, people come and go..

I din even have chance to speak with them.. Isn't that should be a cg leader responsibility?? but i couldn't fulfill this.. I dunno their names, hobby, appearance... the norm is they know my name but full stop for it.. nothing much.. means i failed in building relationship with them..

If i exclude church and those friends gang would i have any extra friends to reach out? something i worry about it.. What would my life be? back to normal? worst? It is so unpredictable...

What is definition of purpose-driven life? even before u get to know someone u need a purpose? call everyone just to call them to church but no concern of their life? When quantity increase is the quality increase at the same time?

Sometimes, knowledge caused someone to be blind spiritually.. hard to believe, trust and obey.. Busy caused us to lost direction..

Is it possible to put comma before reaching full stop?

Lord, pls soften my heart.. I know I wasn't like this last time; I wonder since when the emptiness, hurts, disappointment substituted your love.. I need a breakthrough... And a vacation for break..

Process of learning

沟通是一门很深奥的学问
轻则代表一个人的修养
重则带出一段关系的深度

要如何得人心
得先学会在什么时候、什么场合，用智慧来沟通

这门学问，我还在学习

学习如何说：
- 爱心里说诚实话
- 带有共鸣的话
- 智慧的言语
- 知识的言语
- 造就人的话

更重要的学习如何说出缓和冷场的话

好像林俊杰的《学不会》
我真的还是学不会

天地都会废去
唯独你的话不改变
圣灵啊
求你亲自来教导我
保守我的心  胜过一切
管教我  好像管教女儿一样

Pok-Ai-ing

If can, I really wish I could scold that woman badly..
Really pokai already... Saman RM 100, Rental deposit being taken off RM 150...
Oh gosh... The world is H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!!!!!!!
Everything about $$$$$$$$.........
Chill feiching!!! BUT so hard~~ @.@
Huh.. sometimes to bless and Love some idxxt really need patience and His unfailing love..
ouchhhh... my pocket has a big hole now..
Just let me express my anger for ONCE!
Lou gu po, no men love u, then u choose to love money izzit!??
So in love with money, why dun you just be a banker?
You BIXXT!!!!
..............................................................................................................................
I know I was rude.. but i need some space to release my emotions...
So paise I ter-express my anger in front of Miki.. hopefully she will understand...
I was hoping mum could even ask her to give back the money...sighhhh..T.T
..............................................................................................................................
Lord, please return it to me..
It's all my mum's $$.. I shouldn't be wasting it like dat..NOT worth it...
My wish is to reduce parents' burden, yet seems like they are paying fortune bcoz of me.. :(

感觉 x 想法

跟随感觉-------- 对/错
理性判断-------- 对/错
两者之间的平衡点，可能只是一线之差。。。。

在一段关系里，感觉比理性来得重要？还是理性取胜？
人与人相处，摩擦是难免的。
重要的时——当下的诚意
诚意，可以决定饶恕的宽度，谅解的力度，更多是感情的深度。。。。

让人觉得不安的是，三个字“我以为”。
一句话，足够破坏一段巩固的友谊，产生让人负面的思绪。
.

“我以为，你懂”。。。但其实我不懂。。
.
“我以为，你可以”。。其实我想说“不可以”
.
“我以为，他们”。。。那几时轮到‘我们”或是“你们”？？？

最恐怖是，“我可以，为什么你不可以？”
原因很简单，因为我们不一样。。。。。

走了漫长的路，回想如果今天走的是一个完全不熟悉环境的，我舍得吗？
他会不会像我们一样找到出路？
或许，我会希望那个人不需要向我这样。。。
疯子，
撑着疲惫的身躯，
搭上毫无方向及延长时间的交通，
转了不下十个弯，
花光了身上所有，
考试完飞奔着忘了午餐，
到头来转到了家，
滚滚的热气冲上头，
望着对方叹气。。。。

临时更该没错，错在事情的交待。
不指望细腻安排，只求晓得内容：时间，正确地点，支援。。
队友应该永远知道发生什么事，团队精神失去了真正含义。

最后，一句”对不起”是关键，能够融化冰冷的心，人们却常常把这三个字忘记。。

有时候，心直口快能让你“痛快”，总比按压感觉等待爆发来得少伤害。。。

Ps: dun tink too much...>.6

hustle and bustle life

oh!! Father Lord... this sem really tiring!!!!!
So demanding...
One more week to ENDURE!!!!
Please... Stay with me..
I need You...
Holy Spirit, give me CONFIDENT..
Yaya.. Nothing BIGGER than my precious Lord...
Pray..
Keep praying....
Moving forward...
Life Still Going On.....
Journey building Faith.... Amen.

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes 
to the work of Your hand

When I'm blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes 
to the work of Your hand

As You (Jesus) open my eyes 
to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part 
nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done 

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes 
to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I'll delight in Your way

As You open my eyes 
to the work of Your hand ( x2)

Full Force

I dunno wat to do seriously..
I am in great fear and uncertain... 
Feel like i lost my joy this week...
When the number is dropping, people dun wan to come, is it my fault??
Lord, something wrong with me?!

Keep praying........... trying to squeeze all the confidence and recall His blessings...
Negative thinking, Shhooooo~~ Go away!!!!!

健忘症

人
都很健忘。。

健忘症候群（一）：回到过去
丢弃了的想法
又把它从新捡回来
还不时像个定时炸弹
提醒你它的恐怖性

明明知道是没有帮助
只会让你再次跌倒  
搞得遍体鳞伤
可却不愿割舍。。

健忘症候群（二）：紧记应许
成长路途中 
总有许多中途下车的念头
面对攻击评论时
一不小心就沉不住气
变成火山爆发

再不然   索性不想干了

往往忘了最重要的观众  是你

健忘症候群（三）：数算恩典
大大的错误
就是每次忘了    他的祝福
忘记了
因着他的恩典和恩宠
让我蒙保守

庆幸的是

还有耶稣这个帮助

这个深深地依靠

让出他的肩膀让你安然休息。。

伸出他温暖的手

来填补那腐烂的伤口

不会在你的伤口上撒盐

唯一会做的    就是在你的身边

静静的    看着你舔舐伤口

悄悄做着修复的工作

歌词：

帮助我   更多的祷告

帮助我   更深的依靠

单单相信你     深深敬畏你

一生      要跟随你

Be My AUDIENCE 4ever~~~ <3<3<3

-----IDEAL valentine-----

Someone waitin to see my post.. lol.. here i come..XD










2012, yes guess wat!? I'm still single.. KEKE.. I guess I'm not the only one.. :P

but somehow, thinking the ideal valentine's day I want.. ahha.. so just post for fun ok??

First, get a BF la of cozzz!! .......

====================================================

TO-DO-LIST:
1. Breakfast 2gether! Xd
2. Fetch me to skul and bac from skul (If skul is ON)...
3. Plan a 邂逅 of our own memories of meeting each other
4. Go for lunch.. den go for Desert (Creme Brule/Chesse Cake/Snow ice)
5. Movie (optional)
6. Share a pack of snack
7. Use a LOMO camera to capture the memories
8. Write a valentine note to each other
9. 大头贴！！！
10. Choose a small gift to each other
11. Dinner time- BEST if he cook on own..(quiet place is preferred)
12. Meet up with few best fren to share the happiness.
13. Short deep talk session.. share every feeling..
14. Send me home.....XD
===================================================












======================================================

ahha.. THe End..x)

Nothing but boring.. ahaha... Simple is the Best actually......

Love letter to My Dearest VALENTINE.................................

Dear Jesus, thank you for your faithful and unfailing love..
I so glad that I've knew you for more than 5 years.. We meet in 2006 and now edi 2012..
And, We r still 2gether...
You are my best fren, spiritual partner and listener..
Always listen to my problems and complains in life, leads me on whenever I am weak, be comforter and lend me ur shoulder when i felt sad and emotional down...
TQ for given me the best of urs..
In the future, we will still stick together until the day You come again....
I'll love u no matter how many challenges I need to overcome and breakthrough in my life..

I will sing of Your Love 4ever~~~ >>>>>>>>>>>>>>CHING>>>>>>>>>>
====================================================
Anyway, Happy Valentine EVERYONE!!!!!!

Love regards, Ching <3<3<3

Promise

My lou sei... Ms.J text me..

J: " Dear, I'm fulfilling my promise.."

Me: "What promise?"

J: "I'm in the relationship.... but still not very stable.."

Me: "Serious!? Tell me.. Faster.."

J: "Haven stable.. Tell u soon la.. Busy a bit a... talk ltr.."

Me: "Cannot..=) "

J: (saying the previous sentences)...

Me: (whispering).. "Great.. dun wan to tell me.. who is Him a??"

Great, feiching.. u din even go and search for it.. And ur lovely fren edi one of them.. Arrr~~~~ God... I tot still alot like me.. Now i seem to be the minority... How great....>.<

She is a masculine gal ,but end up stepped into relationship earlier than me.. wao..
Suddenly tis song pop into my mind...

2nd SEM~~ 2012

Baru 2nd sem.. but i edi tired in mentally and physically..Need to get bec to my public transport life.. Especially everyday 6am in the morning.. It gonna kill me!!!!

2012, I thought it would be..
-easier life of year
-started with good cgpa
-everything well-planned

Somehow, when i open my lappy~~ oh dear... many planning to do..

**Uni life:
Last sem, mms 3.0 BUT eng 4 business C+.. It pulled my grade to 2.65.. CUPCAKE.. So this sem, i'm gonna work veli hard to boost it UP!!!! Guess wat.. I'm a trouble finder.. Always find troubles.. Always agree den onli start to think HOW ar?? Signed up for UTAR 10th AnniversaryFund Raising Committee.. and i realized it gonna last for half year till JULY 2012.. "good".. One week need to join meeting twice times.. One with main commitee and another with the diploma "kids"... I can start to imagine.. "my life"....

**CG:
Well, great MIRACLE for God.. Within one day, God make revival in the cell.. Members doubled up.. Just tat my FEAR had came out all of sudden.. It's time to take up the challenge?? maybe....... I claimed tat I scare till i ever think of quit the ministry..

After experiencing non-stop marathon serving in church, yesterday nite i was floaty and fizzing...Ended up lying on the sofa, till cant woke up tis morning.. just felt so sorry today.. All my emotions showed up..

Seriously, i dunno how to organise my time d somehow..
Things to do:

1. Mon: class from 8am- 5pm..
   
2. Tue: 8am class, visitation (catholic), meeting, sometimes practice
3. Wed: class from 8am to 4pm
4. Thurs: class from 8am-12pm, 2 hours break planned for visitation (taman Sea), 2pm continue class.., tuition class 8-10pm...
   
5. Fri: Visitation to Bukit jelutong..
6. Sat: (Morning)sel. dtg... all equipping class (Afternoon): Join vocal group, P&W, Service ( nite time) practice....
7. Sun: Service, practice, meeting, bible class....

(FULLY PACKED)...... Well.......

那些年：
Good start from the beginning of year.. Great to hear tat Taman Sea enjoy with us.. Now got 4 groups in cell.. How to lead them le??? hpmh... I think PRAY is the solution...

Oh Lord.. I luv your words today.. The ministry or CG is not mine.. But Yours.. So you'll sure tc of it pls.. Give me the anointing and strength... You're the God of Victory and Wisdom.. All i need to do is rely on you... May i be your vessel just like David.. i can ocercome all my obstacles... all the failure.. all the disappointment.. all the negative thinking...

YES I CAN!!! I can do anything through my Lord Jesus!!!

P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N-I-S-T

I'm not perfect...

no matter how hard i tried to be perfect..

I hope to care everyone feelings

but i couldn't..

the most i can do is to care about how You feel

You know i need You

Instead of rely on my own strength

I try make sure everything perfect

but the result came out always not perfect

Now how terribly i realize

Rely on Man. Human. Own power

The impact is still not powerful

AS FLOW BY YOUR POWER.....

give me some time

changes are faster than plan...
how should i react???
i tried my best really... realli......
give me some silent time pls.... i need u...Lord
oh pls.. i need miracle in my life....
confirmation... T.T

普通

“我没有你想象中那么坚强

我只是擅长用微笑去伪装

我没有你想象中那么勇敢

我偶尔也会慌。。。。。”



六年来

第一次的心力交瘁

可怕的念头

之前的跌倒 软弱 气馁

却不至于像现在

想离开一阵子

做个普通人

做普通的事

犯普通的错

而不像现在

逃避，勉强，担忧，彷徨，无助。。。。:(

东西坏了 可以维修

火灭了 可以在点燃

人的心死了 还能重生吗？？


原来，安静的自己是如此可怕。。。。