Learn to obey

I must admit that being OBEDIENT is challenging, Especially when you have grew up...

I thought it wasn't so difficult but after all failure ya.. I must admit it..

Some incident i need stayed back till 1.30a.m. which is something terrible.. sleepless night and i have a course trip tml.. think i'll be fainted soon.. Seriously.. my mental told me to feel unsatisfied..

Sometimes i wish to back to live a normal life, going for normal social life, gathering, relaxing.. Although it is nearly Impossible.. It has been already one year in uni but i still feeling that i am out of that gang, just like during form six..

Maybe i am too exhausted to get to know people? Or busy filled my time for them? or different lifestyle?? But sometimes i wish to live as how they are...


Just keep thinking my previous first year of knowing Him, no burden, no hurts, no responsibility but serve Him wholeheartedly.. More compassionate towards the poors..  But slowly i have no feeling (sometimes maybe)..

Every week, people come and go..

I din even have chance to speak with them.. Isn't that should be a cg leader responsibility?? but i couldn't fulfill this.. I dunno their names, hobby, appearance... the norm is they know my name but full stop for it.. nothing much.. means i failed in building relationship with them..

If i exclude church and those friends gang would i have any extra friends to reach out? something i worry about it.. What would my life be? back to normal? worst? It is so unpredictable...

What is definition of purpose-driven life? even before u get to know someone u need a purpose? call everyone just to call them to church but no concern of their life? When quantity increase is the quality increase at the same time?

Sometimes, knowledge caused someone to be blind spiritually.. hard to believe, trust and obey.. Busy caused us to lost direction..

Is it possible to put comma before reaching full stop?

Lord, pls soften my heart.. I know I wasn't like this last time; I wonder since when the emptiness, hurts, disappointment substituted your love.. I need a breakthrough... And a vacation for break..